Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
