Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
