god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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