i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
