I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
So many bounce houses so little time
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Randomize
