guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Buhtt sex?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize
