put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
