i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
