i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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