that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
