I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize