i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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