you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
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