I'm gonna have a badass scar
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
