Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
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the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
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Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize