The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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