god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
