whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
