My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
