So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
