Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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