I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
