She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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