Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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