Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
