Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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