No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
