Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
