oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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