wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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