I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
