apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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