i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
