True but thats because hes a fetus.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
