My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
