The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize
