do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
