There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
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walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
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dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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