never play flip cup with pint glasses
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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