i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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