I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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