I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
