I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
