mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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