Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
