I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Randomize
