Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
