I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Sober January is a disaster.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
