OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
