"it" just moved
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
