just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
