There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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