That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
