no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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