she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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