areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
You have to summon your inner elephant
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
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