Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Randomize
