All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Randomize
