Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
