you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
